I think I've stumbled upon an idea so brilliant, it may change the course of my career. "Political Consultant", here I come.
A quick Googling of "Hillary Tears" turns up over 500,000 hits on last week's tearful coffeeshop stop in New Hampshire. And since seven seconds of real emotion was all it took for HRC to win the New Hampshire primary, other candidates with dead cat personalities (ahem, Mr. Romney) must surely be eager to disprove rumors about their own tin hearts. Forget the 24-hour cry-a-thons on public access T.V., these candidates need real tears. And that's where my idea comes in.
You see, in a few short weeks the remaining candidates descend upon those of us in the great state of California. And this is wine country (as you may have heard) with the highest annual per-capita consumption rate in the country, and one that rivals most of Europe. Wine is near and dear to the heart of many a Californian.
So I am offering complimentary wine advisory services to any candidate who wants a wine so good it will bring tears to their eyes. I ask for no compensation. It is my patriotic duty. Though I will ask each candidate to turn the bottle so my logo shows as the cameras zoom in on their watery ducts.
But what happens once all the candidates are caught showing a rare glimpse of tearful huma
nity? Then the playing field is level once again. That's when a good political consultant must be prepared to move things to the next level. So to each candidate I say "bring out the checkbooks" and I'll recommend a wine so good one sip will inspire a re-enactment of young Meg Ryan's coffee shop scene in "When Harry Met Sally."
Um, wait a minute. Come to think of it, I don't think the electorate would care to see either Hillary OR Mit reveal their humanity at that level. Still, one does wonder if it might be worth it, just to see John Stewart's reaction.
Speaking of wines to bring tears to your eyes... right now I'm enjoying a William Jame's Cellars pinot noir from the Garey's Ranch Vineyard. You'll be hearing more about this wine in the near future. Until I can make this wine available to you, you may want to begin practicing the scene you see at right...
Cheers!
Dave Chambers, Wine Merchant
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Today's Quote
"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job. I'll bet I've shed more tears than you can count, as president."
--President George W. Bush, as quoted by author Robert Draper in Dead Certain
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